


Of Handcuffs and Custard Creams

by spoilersweetie



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-09-01 23:12:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16774843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spoilersweetie/pseuds/spoilersweetie
Summary: It wasn’t a situation she’d been prepared for, really, having her travelling companions walk in on her handcuffed to the console in just a tshirt and her underwear, eating custard creams. Not really ideal.





	Of Handcuffs and Custard Creams

The metal of the cuff is hard and unforgiving round her wrist, and the console is cool on her bottom through the lace of her knickers.

Well - she supposes technically they were River’s knickers, but she hadn’t asked for them back yet and if she left her stuff in the Tardis wardrobe then in the Doctor’s opinion it was free for all. She shifts on the console, giving the cuffs a futile tug, and huffs, feeling the seconds tick by and stretch out. She’s bored now.

And she really fancies a biscuit.

She looks over at the custard cream pedal. The dispenser she could probably reach, but the pedal was definitely too far. She shuffles herself as far left as she can so her right arm is stretched right out where it’s held in place, and reaches over to make sure, stretching out with a bare foot, toes pointed towards the pedal and cuff cutting painfully into her wrist as she strains against it.

No use. She huffs, relenting and looking around herself instead to see what she could make use of. Her sonic! In her coat. She deflates when she spots it crumpled on the floor a good five feet away. Her eyes land on a lever by her left hand and she bites her lip a moment, debating. She really wants a custard cream.

Gripping hold of the end she twists the lever, lifting it enough to pop the pin holding it down out, and pulling the lever free with an ‘aha!’ The Tardis groans irritably.

“Alright, alright, I’ll put it back later, promise,” She hushes the machine as she stretches down with the lever towards the pedal. Just a bit further… “You could help you know!”

The Tardis gives another groan.

“Yes!” She grins as she manages to press down the pedal with the lever and a custard cream pops out of the dispenser. She reaches down to grab it, popping into her mouth happily.

Still bored when she’s finished that one, she reaches down to press the pedal again for another, stretching over to collect it.

“What are you _doing!?”_

The Doctor startles at the voice, mouth open and the custard cream halfway to it frozen as she whips her head round to see that two of her three companions had stepped inside the Tardis, and were now staring at her with utter bafflement on their faces.

“Oh.” She says, and can’t think of anything else to add. It wasn’t a situation she’d been prepared for, really, having her travelling companions walk in on her handcuffed to the console in just a tshirt and her underwear, eating custard creams. Not really ideal.

“Doctor?” Says Yaz, taking a curious step inside. “What...? What are you doing?” She repeats Ryan’s words.

“Errrrm,” the Doctor draws out the high pitched sound to buy herself some time. “You know. Just. Sitting here. What you lot doing here? Oh!” She could kick herself. “Right, I remember. Landed early. Thought I’d wait for you.”

“Where... why...” stammers Yaz, eyeing her bare legs. She’s glad she has her t-shirt on, anyway. She shifts on the console, trying not to draw attention to her cuffed wrist.

“Bit of a long story,” she forces a laugh, “why don’t you lot pop back home and I’ll come and get you in a bit then I can tell you all about it then before we leave, eh?” She tries. She’ll have thought of something by then.

“Or you could tell us now,” says Ryan. “Hang on, is that handcuffs!?”

“Oh my god,” Yazs eyes widen, and dart round the console room, on guard and searching for danger. “Doctor what happened, who did this to you!?”

The Doctor opens her mouth to reply when another voice cuts in.

“Sorry sweetie took me ages to find the other pair - she’d hidden them in the kitchen? I did find tea flavoured whipped cream in the fridge though - where on earth did you get that?”

The Doctor’s eyes light up as River appears, holding said pair of handcuffs and can of whipped cream.

“Amazing! Give us here it’ll go with me custard creams.”

“Oh,” River says, stopping short at the sight of the two other occupants of the room. Her eyes flick to the Doctor’s. “Really honey, I leave you alone for five minutes and you’re eating biscuits and have let your friends in. I told you not to move.”

“I didn’t let them in! Forgot I was parked in Sheffield.” She shifts on the console.

“And I suppose the biscuit just fell into your hand too?” River nods at it as she strolls up to the Doctor, setting the things down on the console and stepping close to her, sliding her palms over the Doctor’s bare thighs.

“Errrr… yes?”

Rolling her eyes, River takes hold of the Doctors free wrist and brings it to her mouth, taking a bite from the custard cream she’s holding.

“Oi, get your own!” She says, snatching her hand back and shoving the rest of the biscuit into her mouth. “Had to work hard for that!”

“Sorry,” Ryan’s voice cuts in, making them look away from each other. “What the fuck is going on!?”

“Who are you?” Yaz adds, staring between them, worried suspicion on her face. “What are you doing here and - and what do you want with the Doctor?”

“Oh, _many_ things,” purrs River, amused.

“Yaz -” the Doctor tries, seeing the worry on her friend’s face. “I know this looks bad, but everything’s fine, promise!” She tries for a grin that she guesses must not come out right because the concern only grows in her expression. Her eyes snap to River.

“Have you drugged her?”

“That must be it!” Exclaims Ryan. “That’s why she’s not trynna escape!”

“ _No_ , I’m not -”

“Get away from her now!” Yaz commands, stepping closer, her police training kicking in full force as Ryan steps up behind, backing her up. 

“Woah, woah gang calm down it’s fine! I’m fine!” She assures them quickly, heart swelling a little at their protectiveness.

“Who is she!?” Yaz demands, looking between them, still suspicious.

“Ermm kind of a long answer…”

“I’m her wife.”

“That’s the short version I suppose.”

Yaz falters at that. “You’re... what?”

“Wait, wait, hold on,” Ryan says, waving his hand, “the Doctor doesn’t have a wife - she’d have told us!”

River just snorts. “Oh believe me there is a _lot_ about the Doctor that she hasn’t told you.”

“ _River_ ,” the Doctor hisses.

“Like what?” Yaz demands, still on the defense, taking another step towards River threateningly.

The Tardis starts to rumble and the Doctor glances around. “Look, I know it’s hard to believe, but she is my wife…” the rumbling gets louder. “She’s also the Tardis’s daughter - sort of - and she’s really quite fond of her so you might want to back off...” She has to shout the last part over the loud growling of the engines - her companions look around in alarm before hurriedly stepping back, dropping their defensive stances and the ship calms, settling back to a quiet hum.

“Woah,” Ryan utters.

Yaz looks perturbed as River smooths a hand over the console, smiling softly.

“So…” The police officer shifts on her feet. “You’re not in trouble?”

“ _Well_ ,” River gets a whack on the arm before she can continue that sentence and the Doctor hurriedly clears her throat.

“No, I’m fine. But I appreciate the concern. This is River,” she nods her chin towards her. “And she’s just about to let me out of these cuffs I stupidly managed to lock myself in after she got my message to come and help, aren’t you dear?” She says pointedly, quite proud of that one. She knew she’d come up with something eventually.

“How did you do that?” Ryan frowns.

“If she came to let you out, why does she have another pair,” Yaz points to the set sitting on the console next to the Doctor. She frowns. “Hang on - are those _mine!?”_

“She’s a police officer!” The Doctor squeaks hurriedly as River’s head whips round to stare at her.

“Oh,” River appears to relax.

“Oh my god,” Yaz suddenly says, and looking at her face, the Doctor thinks her cover story may not have held. Yaz whirls round. “We should leave. Come on Ryan,” she grabs him by the arm, trying to turn him towards the door.

“Wait, wait, I’m still confused,” he holds his hands up, pointing at the Doctor. “If you locked yourself to the console, why didn’t you just sonic yourself out?”

 _“Ryan_ ,” Yaz hisses, “Just leave it, let’s go.”

Oh! She had an answer for this one. “‘Cause my sonic's over there!” She nods to her coat on the floor.

“Right,” says Ryan, still looking confused. “And why’s it over there?”

“Ehhh,” is as far as she gets with that one, before the Tardis door swings open and Graham walks in, stopping short in the doorway as he stares at the scene in front of him.

“You _do_ know that door has a lock on it sweetie?” River says.

“I missed something,” Graham concludes after a moment.

“The Doctor handcuffed herself to the console,” Ryan explains.

“Right,” says Graham, still staring. “Where’s your trousers Doc?”

“Leaving,” says Yaz, pushing them both firmly towards the door. “Now.”

“Wait I thought we were going to space florida!?” Graham exclaims. “I packed me swim trunks and everything!”

“We are!” The Doctor calls out as Yaz hurries them out the door, her cheeks noticeably pink. “I’ll come pick you up in half an hour!”

“Half an hour?” River says, “You’re optimistic if you think I’ll have let you out in half an hour. I haven’t even opened the whipped cream yet.”

“An hour!” The Doctor amends as River steps between her legs, pressing herself close and leaning in to whisper in her ear. She gasps. “Best make that two hours!” She calls out, before the Tardis doors shut with a hasty bang to the sound of River’s laughter.


End file.
